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Dear Friends,

Tomorrow, Thursday evening, after our meditation, we will recite the five mindfulness trainings and focus our dharma discussion on the fourth training: mindful speech and deep listening.

Some time ago, an image came to me as I was thinking about relationships. I began to imagine two people in a relationship as working together to shape a container, within which communication and connection can occur. Each person has one hand on a lump of clay, and together they shape it into a pot, perhaps on a potter's wheel. Can one be more responsible than the other for the shape of the container? I don't think so, because every feature of the pot that one person adds affects -- and is affected by -- the features that the other adds. I think the same is true of relationships. Each of us reflects off of the other, and we respond to each other in real time, each constantly shifting our approach, our energy, and our viewpoint in response to the other.

I like to think of each person as having 100% of the responsibility for the container -- the quality of the relationship. I know from my own experience that when both people commit to and take responsibility for creating and maintaining connection, a deeply enriching relationship can develop. On the other hand, if I decide that I'll only take as much responsibility as the other person, the relationship may be shortchanged because I don't truly, consciously strive for the bond that I really want.

The clay pot image, and the idea that we each have 100% of the responsibility for the pot, always leaves me with a feeling of hope and optimism about the possibilities for connection in my relationships.

So, here's my question for you. Do you have a metaphor or an image of how you see communication and connection occurring in your relationships? How does that image make you feel?

I look forward to seeing you tomorrow evening and exploring the realm of conscious, mindful communication.

Warm wishes,
Peter Cook