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Dear Friends,

Suddenly, in the last couple of months I have become conscious of patterns in my life that have existed for years, perhaps decades. One such pattern is my tendency to withdraw when I'm confronted with a seemingly intractable life problem. Instead of moving into acceptance, resting in my uncertainty, or tackling the problem head-on, my habit energy is to slide into resignation. This tendency – call it a “grand energy” – has been like a long, low, slow-moving wave in my life. It’s one that I don’t typically notice directly, but which has had stunning and profound effects on my way of being.

On the other hand, my moods – like somewhat smaller, faster moving waves – come and go over a period of weeks or days. Resentment becomes acceptance, grief flows into gratitude, determination withers to uncertainty.

And on a momentary (and quite impermanent) scale: a thought, a conversation, or an event can trigger a “spike” of anger, joy, sorrow, and other emotions.

The thing that hit me recently is that these larger-scale energies actually create a context within which my moods ebb and flow; and those moods in turn affect my emotions. For example, my tendency toward withdrawal makes it hard for me to stay with a difficult task (like writing this email), and so it’s difficult to maintain a mood of excitement and aspiration. And then someone says, “Peter, did you finish __________?” And I react with guilt because I dropped the ball. But I don’t realize in the moment that the issue isn’t just the task or my mood that day or my guilt – it’s all happening for a reason, a much bigger reason having to do with my “grand energy.” And this seems so obvious on the one hand, and so huge on the other. 

I see these energies as if they are waves upon waves on an ocean. The little emotion waves ride on the big mood waves, the mood waves ride on the grand energy waves, and it’s all a big dance of energies riding their way through my life’s experience.

So this is a delightful metaphor, but what do I do with it now? Can I learn to bring intentionality to my moods and emotions if I stay conscious of my grand energies? Perhaps you will come up with some insights as you think about your own waves. And maybe you’ll even share them this Thursday at our discussion following our sitting.

I hope to see you there.